I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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