But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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