apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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