remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
