Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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