I'm gonna have a badass scar
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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