what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
