Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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