I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
