I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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