i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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