and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Shame - the story of my life.
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