Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
