Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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