im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
