So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
