What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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