it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
