her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
