the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
