You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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