take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
