I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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