Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
