he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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