So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
