Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
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