Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
