what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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