Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
