No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
