Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
