I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
