Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
