I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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