i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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