The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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