I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
