omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
