What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
