he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
