is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
