So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Randomize
