i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
