those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
