very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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