she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
