i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
