One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
