did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
